Tag: personal

Too Much Life [poem]

My heart worked up and down to figure this out

all weekend waking up in the same bed but in garland now

I need to say to mother Sorry I am leaving You again but there is too much life to see outside my new big bedroom window and the courtyard tree that does its best to hide me when I’m in bed

is it mesquite?

Last week my brother with all his muscles and children helping carry the boxes and boxes and boxes of books up to the second floor

My father is dying but I could not stop time to think of how our sickness will catch me one day too

and that I need to say I still can’t forgive You for choosing work over me when I cried that summer many times ago when

I still had no good long place to call home like I think I’ve got now

I saved a bumble bee drowning at the pool yesterday and let my back burn in the sun to watch it rub its tiny face and antennae dry

a neighbor black cat saw me swim back in forth from its windows across the pool like I did when I was a kid living again with You mom and sister many apartments ago

In the sunlight my body was crying because it knows the world is ending and I don’t know if the children I want could bear it

and after all this was always part of a longer love letter back to You. I guess only god has the power to hide this sort of thing. I will look for you from my balcony tomorrow morning anyway in the simmering shade of juliano-tejano-verano morning before my way to work with the other half’s eyes.

“I almost had an anxiety attack this sunset because I couldn’t believe my life has gone so well. Like I‘m not used to this sort of stability. I feel something should be horribly wrong and that I should be in jeopardy and danger. Like I need something to be worried about. How could I drive in a beautiful sunset this evening, listening to my favorite music and just believe everything is okay?” I am driving the air in my lungs get heavy and thick and I wonder about how really everything should be wrong with this

You ever figure everyone who reads this will love you for the way I love you in million years after these silly anxieties are gone?

Howdy!

My name’s Pablo, aka Aggie Pablo. I am a 23-year-old senior undergraduate student at Texas A&M University. I’m and English major and I’m new to this whole writing thing but I’m excited to share my thoughts and experiences with the world. Here’s a list of some of my favorite things:

  • Music, esp. Rock & Hip-Hop, including: Last Dinosaurs, The Beach Boys, Mac DeMarco, and Kendrick Lamar.
  • Movies, esp. Stanley Kubrick’s films like 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket, Dr. Strangelove, etc… and films like No Country for Old Men, Children of Men, and Tarantino.
  • Coffee: I’m a Type 1 Diabetic so prefer black coffee and Americanos (I’m sippin’ on a coffee as I write this right now).
  • Books: some of my favorite authors include Kurt Vonnegut, JD Salinger, and William Faulkner. I also love reading about history.
  • Web Surfin’: I spend a lot of time on YouTube and discussion boards; I often say that I was raised by the internet.
  • Hot Wings: I think I’d eat them everyday if I could!

I’m also a night owl with an INTJ personality type. I hope you join me on this adventure as I try to follow the motto, “who dares, wins.” Thanks!